二零零九年十月，长春。

 

自一九九八年本人离家工作求学的十一年以来，我第一次回到了一直让我魂牵梦绕的浪漫金秋。感谢工作严谨的中国海关，在国庆八天长假中依然坚守在工作岗位上，委婉的回绝了我的经受过涡轮式洗衣机加洗衣粉洗礼过的护照，在我的人生中写下了第一笔被拒绝出关的经历，并因此将我在家的假期由原来的十七天增至现今的二十八天，成为我结束学生时代以来最长的假期。如此难得难忘的经历，我决定用数字来盘点这值得纪念的二十八天。

 

九月二十一日晚上二十三时，我乘坐的由香港出发停经广州的航班在我的家乡长春平安降落，让我在十一年之后重回秋天的怀抱，重温秋日的柔情。

 

在接下来的二十八天内，每日平均气温在十五至十八摄氏度的区间内上下浮动，没下过一场雨，没有过一次阴天，每天都是秋高气爽万里无云，每天都有好天气给人一份好心情。就在这样最适宜人类生存的天气里，我尽享着美食美酒美景，和家人朋友共渡美好人生。

 

假期中最大的亮点当然要数举国欢腾的祖国六十年大庆。二零零九年十月一日上午十时，我与全国十多亿同胞一同见证了举世瞩目的大阅兵，再次回顾了我国建国六十年，改革开放三十年来的卓越成就。坐在家里新买的四十七寸电视机前的我，心中的激动难以言表，而千言万语汇成一句话--祖国万岁！

 

庄严的阅兵式开启了史上最长的八天黄金周，也开始了我们全家的快乐假期。在之后的几天内，我累计长途驾驶里程超过一千公里，游历省内比较大的城市若干。游览了蛟河的红叶谷，采集红叶黄叶绿叶近百枚（后均因技术问题干枯腐烂，其损毁程度与我被洗过的护照有着极大的相似程度），回城途径庆岭，品尝了享誉东北的著名品牌--庆岭活鱼；隔天又赴营城子附近鱼塘钓鱼，在三小时内钓获体重两公斤以上大鱼四条，并在钓鱼间歇走访了附近水库山林和农舍，盗取田里老苞米两岁（后经农舍大炉灶烧熟而食，以销毁证据），并与农妇亲切攀谈，学习了木耳的培植技术，并了解到市场上价格昂贵的野生黑木耳大部分来源于栽培木耳筛选出的个头瘦小的残次品。随后又驱车前往二道江，探访在那里辛勤劳作的我的老叔，为同事购得板栗六公斤（后在栗子中捕获硕大蠕虫数十条）。后又在位于吉长公路十八公里处的圣德泉泡洗温泉近六小时，再次体会到享誉全国的吉林“水文化”。

 

所谓钓胜于鱼，除上述收获外，我更在千公里的驾驶过程中领略着家乡黑土地养育出来的大好河山。万里良田里，农民伯伯们正忙着在这金秋时节收获金灿灿的稻子；东部林区中，满山的红叶映衬着湛蓝的天空。停下车来感受着清凉的微风拂面，不由得感叹地大物博的祖国江山如此多娇，家乡多麽美好。

 

除了上述一系列以“贴近自然走近农田”为主题的赏秋活动外，我的假期更充斥着与亲朋好友的觥筹交错，领略着大都市里的灯红酒绿。经粗略统计，一个月内我所吃过的大小馆子近三四十家，体重增长五公斤，与数名老友会面，参加婚礼两场，缴纳各数礼金过千，并有幸首次担任伴郎一职。

 

综上所述，我的这个难得的长假过得可谓是收获多多，体验多多，感悟多多。都说秋天是收获的季节，是浪漫的季节。我想明年的秋天我还会回来，不为别的，只为那无限迷人的秋色......

 

 

满眼秋色：

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

落叶归根，化作春泥更护花。（注意落叶中隐藏着的昆虫）

 

湖光山色：

 

稻子熟了：

 

农舍，农趣：

 

 

 

 

大白菜，水稻和苞米地：

 

肥硕的大白菜，肥硕的大蚂蚱：

 

那蓝天下的黄与绿：

 

丰收：

 

 

 

 

 

 

雨，静悄悄的，从黄昏落到夜幕降临。雨水洗去了街上的嘈杂，窗外传来的只有偶尔的雷声和淅淅沥沥。

 

阴天，在不开灯的房间，让所有的思绪都一点一点沉淀。

 

这个周末，难得在家里懒了两天。懒得有些不知所措，以至让我想不起平日里的周末我都是如何度过，让我想不起究竟我在过着怎样的生活。现在很怕有人问起我的兴趣爱好，空闲时喜欢做些什么。我答不出。莫名其妙的忙碌，莫名其妙的不知道自己在为什么而忙碌，其实大抵是借着莫名其妙的忙碌而掩饰我的空虚。

 

几个月才偶尔在这儿留下点我还活着的证据，然而每一件证据里都透露着沉沦和压抑。只有在我沉沦的时候才会来这儿发发牢骚吧，几个月才一次而已，看来我的生活里还是充满许多阳光的，我这样安慰自己。

 

街灯亮了，暖暖的橘黄色的光透过被雨水淋湿了的窗...

 

雨一直下，还是阴天...

 

经典的音乐是动听的，

十九年前的今天，天安门广场浩浩荡荡，年轻的国人们用生命喊着：“要民主！”，西方的媒体冷眼的评论着:“屠杀啦！”

 

地震后的中国，空前的团结，空前的亢奋。只希望不要再有流血，不要再有牺牲..

 

It's hard to be alone and not thinking about all sorts of things that i shouldn't be thinking about.

 

I'm too used to have her around, to see her when i'm back home late, to hug her when i can't sleep, to study with her and talk about stupid things, to slack in bed on Saturday/Sunday mornings.

 

I always complaint the room is too messy when she is around, but now it's tidy and clean, i feel it's too big and empty, i don't even know what i should do other than thinking about things that i shouldn't be thinking about...

 

I wanna take a break, from all those things i have now, work, study and people around me..

 

I wanna go to Tibet, feel myself losing my breathe and get lost in the snow mountain and blue sky; i wanna go to Yunnan, slack in the quiet old town and watch time pass by; I wanna go to Chiangmai,  trekking in the jungle and touch the nature....

 

I just wanna take a break, from all those things i have and be myself again, just for a while..

 

Missing my school days, missing my days in Finland, when my biggest worry was not being able to secure a ticket to my next destination.

 

All these have become long gone past. I have been stuck in my pathetic little life, locked up and nailed down.

 

I want my freedom.

 

I wanna be myself....

2007年，在我的生活里发生了这样几件事：

1. 我的为期十八年的学生时代以二级甲等荣誉学士学位结束。

2. 开始了我人生中第一份正式工作，并拥有了第一张属于自己的信用卡，存款金额首次超过五千新元。

3. 来岛国八年十一个月后，身份证由绿色变为蓝色，民众联络所来信欢迎我加入新加坡community。

4. 爸妈见到了鱼尾狮，我发现有妈的地方就是家。

5. 收到两位好朋友的婚礼邀请，元月六日在长春，五日在圣淘沙。

 

工作之后，让我对时间的概念很模糊。从前也知道时光飞逝，可那时似乎还常能听到时钟敲打嘀嗒的声音。朝九晚九的工作，把我生命时间轴的最小单位变成了分钟。每个report 的deadline 总是昨天，老板所需要的东西总是now, Now, NOW。大概也是因此，让我很难意识到五十二万五千六百分钟就是一年，如若不是daily reporting 上的日期，我大概也想不到再过两天就是2007年的最后一天----我的2007年，插满了生命里程碑的一年。

 

人说大学毕业之前总会感到迷茫，不知道自己要走的路在何方。我迷迷糊糊的被冲向金融界的人流卷到了金融界的边缘地带，也说不清楚对自己的位置有多少喜欢多少愁，更说不清自己的未来会是怎样。我也不知道自己选择的是不是我该走的路，只能相信鲁迅先生的话---“其实这世上本没有路，走的人多了，也便成了路。”披荆斩棘也好，一路坎坷也罢，敢问路在何方，答曰路在脚下。新一轮的迷茫之中，只能相信前方不远处就会有光明。

 

人真是复杂的动物。独处的时候想要陪伴，有了伴又渴望更多的私人空间。每天工作十几个小时，有时希望迎接自己的是家的温暖，却也有时只想一头栽到床上一睡不醒。结婚在我周围突然成了新的流行，我照例被抛在潮流之后，一眼望去只有一片茫然。我的2007年，因为ruirui的陪伴变得平淡的甜蜜，甜蜜的平淡。我不知道这样的日子会走多远，只觉得应该现在拥有的，无论结局如何，留下的回忆还是很美。我想要有个家，虽然多年的漂泊已经让我忘却了家的滋味。

 

我真的离开家太久了，以至于家中的生活让我变得不习惯。爸妈来到新加坡，让我记忆中的生活和现实中的生活面对面，这才发现原来我跟父母之间已经不只是代沟。文化背景上的隔阂，生活习惯上的隔阂，语言交流上的隔阂。家还是那个家，变了的是我。我的变是从根本上的，父辈们大概永远也无法跟得上。这个已经接纳我为永久居民的地方，对他们来说将永远都是异乡。

 

永久居民，permenant resident。这个词让我觉得很可怕。我不喜欢任何 permenant 的东西,更不喜欢 permenantly 住在这个让我充满迷茫的地方。我似乎已经慢慢的悄悄的渐渐的安心于这里，习惯于这里，甚至开始扎根于这里。大概终归是到了开始扎根的年龄吧。小树可以连根拔起轻轻松松的移植到另一篇土壤，而一旦长成大树，根深蒂固之后再移便会大伤元气了。这是我不想的，也是我所怕的。一半的我喜欢居无定所漂泊的生活，可不知道没有养料供应，这半个我还能存活多久。我希望自己能再开拓一片新的天地，却不知道when and how，不知道到那时我在这里的根会有多深。

 

在2007年的岁末用一个词概括我的具有划时代意义的2007，大概可以用茫然。如果要用一个词概括2008，我希望可以用“希望”。

 

1. 我希望每天都能找到让自己开心的事，学会简单的快乐。

2. 我希望家人朋友一切都好，有生命才有希望，有希望才有生活。Live for hope, hope for life.

3. 我希望自己能去更多的地方走走，并记录下自己走过的路。

4. 我希望我能少些迷茫。

5. 我希望2008北京奥运圆满成功，中国变得更好。

6. 我希望我的希望不会变成失望。

 

祝

     新年快乐!

 

 

 

 

 

It has been a long while since I was back in school again. It felt good.

 

On the first look, everything is so familiar – the buildings, the people, the free A1 buses. People walking pass by are still wearing the sloppy t-shirt and slippers, or nicer T shirt and slippers. They remind me of how I was few months ago, but suddenly I feel I am so much older

 

Things have changed faster than I expected, subtly – the long anticipated new arts canteen does look nicer than before, and I had to be smuggled into library since the matric card I have in my wallet is already deactivated from the entire NUS system 4 months ago.

           

But it still feels good to be back in school. It’s again the exam period, again the mugging period, again the period where one can hardly find a seat in the library. It’s quiet and cold there as usual. Peaceful. I feel the passion of learning there, even though the passion had hardly surfaced when I was a legitimate member of the library.

 

The late afternoon sunlight was warm and cozy when we stepped out of the library. In the dusk of a Saturday, the campus is peaceful still, vibrant still. Joggers run pass us, you can breath the youth in their perspiration, and by that, I feel myself young again.

 

Still so many posters around -- all sorts of activities waiting for these college kids to spend their seemingly endless free time in. But now I feel the 4 years of free time really flies like rocket, even though it seemed endless to be as well before. I wish I could be part of the trekking trip, or the surfing course, or for that matter, anything that could bring me back to my student life.

 

But after all, my life now isn’t too bad. 3 diving trips in 2 months, I try to convince myself with such. You never know how your life will be like in four year’s time. That’s the beauty of it. But no matter what, seize the day, however sucky you feel. Sometime later, you may find that was the best moment of your life.

Agitated, frustrated, exhausted...

 

What's the meaning of job? what's the meaning of life?

 

the job bearly pays for the rent, so that you could enjoy better life with your loved ones; the job eats away your entire life, left with nothing to enjoy, only your loved ones adrifted further and away.

 

I wish i could be living underwater forever, swim with the fishes, worrying about nothing. There, my internal pressure equalizes better with the water pressure, and back into the real world, i become a non-accurate time-bomb, ready to explode any minute.

 

what's the point? really.

 

I don't like this life, it has never been this tiring. i wish i could have 2 more head and 4 more hands, maybe then i could have a shorter to-do-list.

 

enough said, time to sleep, to be ready for another sucky day.

朋友中有人筹划着结婚，也有人面临着分手。在这个阳光明媚的周末，我一个人在网上，“享受”着home alone.

 

Without the "lazy around" in the morning, without the sweet breakfast, this weekend feels much longer than normal. Sometimes I feel myself so cut off from the world that i used to be in, without her I could rot to death at home.

 

It is an age of transition now, from a poor student to a white collared cheap labour, from a single bachelor to husband/wife, it's a period that human society is doomed to go through, sometimes it could be simply hard.

 

I can't see where my life will be in the next 5 years, there are too many unpredicatability. I like the way that life is full of unknown adventures, daily routines could drive me crazy; but I hate to see nothing into my future, the bottomless hollowness petrifies me even more. I need a place to stay, i need a job that would pay for my meals and diving trips, and I need someone to stay with me, to eat with me and i also need a diving buddy.

 

It seems i have these all, but somehow I never feel they belongs to me. I am such a contradicting person, that I need something I already have, and I need certainty and uncertainty to co-exist in my life. Maybe it's the sense of insecurity. I feel i am too weak to secure anything now. Owning nothing but owing everything, my asset liability ratio equals zero over infinity.

 

I hope to settle down soon and live my life the proper way, I hope to travel to Turkey and South America, I hope to capture the sunrise in Tibet and sunset in Egypt with my own camera, I hope to live and work in Paris or Stockholm for a while and make a trans-america trip before 30. There are too many things i hope to do, but I can't see how these could be achieved.

 

One at a time, maybe that's the best way. I'm surrounded by people who have accomplished these to different extent, marvellous and miraculous they seem to be, they are all a lively bunch living around me. We are a fortunate generation who have experienced much more and feel it would never be enough, and that keeps us fighting harder to experience even more.

 

Everyday life could be a routine, but when there is hope, surprises will turn the routine into a more pleasant way.

 

Set a goal for myself today, and I am going to enjoy dinner with my diving buddy! Afterall, she is the someone who makes my routine life more pleasant, and her presence makes my life larger than it seems to be.  

 

Let's get it done!--The new Citi brandname.

But 3 months into the job, I realize it can never be done in here. You think you could be less busy next week after finishing this memo, yet there will be something else popping up on Friday evening, which would keep you busier for the next 2 weeks. I thought how hard it would be to manage the portfolio for something with 20,30 yrs of contractual life?!Not like stock prices that changes every second. But no matter how traditional the product is, it is still in the core of financial market, and that means vibrance, that means speed, that means changes are taking places every day.

 

Support change and growth--Client 1st Service Value #12.

Guess i am growing with the everyday changes. Before i realize it, I'm already senior enough to coach my new colleagues on our products and processes, yet i'm still struggling myself to get things sorted out. I feel lucky that I am not doing sales, as it would be too much pressure to call myself a Home Loan Specialist, when it might take me more than a few months to really specialize in home loans. Hence, still learning something new every now and then, and that's the way i like it.

 

Invest in learning--Client 1st Service Value #9

Learning is certainly more than the excelling in Excel sheet, relationships with colleageus and bosses is of course much trickier than classmates in school. I'm not good at handling relationships, just pray I don't screw up too much here. A good network of people gets you anywhere you want, I wonder where my net is weaved to.

 

Maintain a professional Image--Service Value #2

A shirt with a tie, i thought it would be pretty cool dress up like this everyday. And here i am, in the same league with these "cool" people, and feeling totally otherwise. Blue is the Citi corporate color, and I do feel the blueness quite often. Maybe it's just the period of trying to find out what I really like and what I really want, and trying to fit what i already have into any of these 2 categories. Sometimes it works out fine, and I see the color of blue sky, feeling myself diving into it and fly high; other times it is the color of deep blue sea, beyond the beautiful corals, bottomless darkness is all i can see.

 

Build for long term--Service Value #8

It just takes time, be it blue sky or the sea, i need to adjust the pressure and try to equalize in any cases. "Survival of the fittest"---so fit in first before talking about survival. Learning swimming after being thrown into the storming sea, I feel myself already getting better at it, fit into the rythem and follow the pace, resonant with the movement, sometimes struggling can also be as enjoyable as music.

 

One Citi -- with red arc the new Citi logo.

At times I feel life is really hard, my monkey pay barely covers peanuts and the rental, while everyday seeing so many people owning a 7-digit house and still keeping a 7-digit balance in their checking account. I don't even need to look into my portfolio book, just a glance at the people around me: fluently tri-lingualism is a norm, the probability of a randomly selected person working in a World top 100 company is almost 99%, everyone is flying across continents and still trying to fly higher. But still, life is hard on everyone, there is always hardwork behind the glory. I still feel myself among the luckiest top 5%. Afterall, we are all living in one City -- A city of possibility. No matter where THE city is, we are lucky enough that we could explore and adventure into a wider horizon.  

 

 

It has been almost 2 months into my working life, time flies faster than one can feel.

 

Besides following the suggestion from an old friend, guess I really ought to leave some words here before everyone starts forgetting about me or assuming I have left the world to Mars.

 

Working is more tiring than I expected. There is nothing much else I want to do every night other than sleep. Weekends thus naturally become a salvation for my sleep deprivation, which partly explains why I am still awake at such a crazy hour on Sunday early morning.

 

Life is not all about fun, and working is what makes life possible. High level of comfort with Excel and data analysis is clearly stated in my job scope, and that is really all about my job as a portfolio analyst. Generating daily/weekly/montly reports on various aspects of the whole mortgage book is the basic requirement of my position, which is what has been keeping me in the office till 9pm several times in the last few weeks.

 

Life is not all about fun, but having some fun out of it makes life more meaningful. There has been a number of events since I joined Citibank. Free entrance and free flow and drinks and snacks in M.O.S on my 3rd day in the bank, family day at Wild Wild Wet even though i couldn't make it, and the recent KL offsite trip somehow reminds me of the Vappu week in Finland with endless drinking, only that the 5 star hotel stay and the 2 nights party were all on company account (or maybe on my big boss's account).

 

I guess there are many benefits that are beyond the imagination of a student, but already, I have missed my care free student life somehow after 2 months in the real world. Nothing comes for free, and certainly not money. I am paid to work, and thus has to get the work done. My job is all about numbers, and I have to get the numbers right. Sometimes when my boss keep on spotting my stupid careless mistakes, I am really worried if I am competent for this job, or for any job. I could bluff my way out with fake data and still get an A in my student project, but my boss would question me on a 1 bps (0.01%) difference in my results and his anticipation. I need to have all necessary numbers at hand and at heart and be ready to provide them at any time. It's hard to say whether I will like this job, but it is definitely challenging and enriching, and I hope to do well nonetheless.

 

There are many other things i can talk about my current life, there has been too many changes since the last 2 months. But my future is still blurred, everything still feels so unreal. Hope i can see further in to the future sooner, as I am already on my way to my future.

 

Live well, life is still going on...

 

 

Maybe it's the graduation, maybe it's the emptiness in my life, maybe it's the packing, (yet again, packing), I'm once again stroked by nostalgia, sentiment, and some untractable bitter and sadness.

 

Plenty of things awaits me, yet I am hiding in my room from dawn to dusk, killing my life with meaningless and endless movies. Reminds me of my last few days in Finland, however, i know that was an ending, but now is supposed to be a beginning.

 

Hostel is getting emptier everyday, I will be homeless next week. Almost a decade on this tiny island, all i have is still just that few broken luggage covered in dust, even my lunch today is paid by friend. My wallet is empty, so does my bank account.

 

People are starting their interns/jobs/travels, i am still clueless about my next week of life. I love adventures, but I hate this unsettling uncertainties in life.

 

I don't want to talk, but I need a hug, better still, a job...

I'm a loser and failure --- i lost many precious times and opportunities and i failed in almost everything i did.

 

I was in a too comfort zone, worry nothing but where i should go for my next travel destination. The passion of seeing the whole world will reside in my blood until the blood dries out, but there are more important things needed  to be done now.

 

I need to figure out what i want in my life.

 

I need to get busy and start doing something.

Waking up this morning, everything feels the same--the same old aching body from too much/less sleep, the same old cranky face after seeing the time displayed on the handphone, the same old unwillingness to drag myself out of the comfort of dreamland back to the cruelty of the reality. But I know one thing that is different now, as I am officially one year older again.

 

The last few days of the 24-years-old me wasn’t very joyful: dreadful job searching process back to square one after losing the seemingly secured offer; lost my student pass for the first time in eight years during 3 days in Redang, which can’t even be counted as a trip; bit on my own lips twice in a day on the same spot; and still have no idea where to stay later this month…

 

I decided the lost of my student pass and SLB offer should be a sign, a sign to be more serious and responsible for the life of my own and the life of someone I concern about. Maybe I have lost some degree of freedom, as I am no longer a lonely free bird, I am tied down by something called love, that I decided I shall postpone my Vietnam trip one more time, and probably Tibet as well until I have settled where I will be in the next phase of my life.  

 

Turning to 25, it also puts an end to the last phase of my life, and puts me into a painful transitional period into the next phase. Turning to 25, with one more ring of age on the tree trunk, I shall grow with more maturity and responsibility into a working adult, with more care and love given to people around me.  

 

Farewell, the 24-years-old me.

Farewell, my precious student life.

Farewell, my care free days.

 

There is no reason to celebrate, but lots of reason to remember my 25^th birthday.

I thought, it would be the time to celebrate an ending and a beginning; I thought, it would be a stop to the enduring and soul-taking journey of searching; i thought, it would be a start on planning my next phase of life; i thought, i could go for my graduation trips without worries; I thought, it would be a proof to myself that I am not worth nothing; i thought, I could finally announce to my family and friends that I have gotten an offer from SLB.

 

But all these were a huge colorful bubble, which burst right in front of my eyes and vanished shadowlessly into the air, wet me inside out with a bucket of icy-water standing in the biting wind.  

 

That is how I felt, when I know I am rejected by both production centres of Schlumberger after final round of interviews on each side. Disappointed, devastated, and ashamed by the unforgivable failure I have made one tiny step before the final success. It appeared to me a rejection from more than a company, the whole business world maybe, as the curse of interviews casted on me yet again. My record of not passing through an interview is still kept unbroken.

 

I was not the best one, but I could see where I stand during the two recruiting sessions. I appreciate Schlumberger for providing me such an opportunity to see and to learn how other candidates perform, and also for giving me more confidence as I was told by many that I did well. Politeness--maybe, politically correctness--maybe, but I could see a fair reason for such comments as i had a better view of who is more employable through an eye of the hiring manager. I could see the strength and weaknesses of each candidates, myself included, and the company's decision uncoincidentally coincide with my judgement largely.   

 

The first impression I give out to the employers may not be outstanding at all, but I still believe I am a fairly employable person. Maybe because of my undesirable/unprofessional/unqualified/unbearable/untrustable look, I have never been able to get an offer for anything through an interview since I came to Singapore eight years ago. But this time round, after being observed like a guinea pig for two days and survived on, I thought I finally had a chance to show off more than what I can during a mere 30-minutes interview, and that might win me more credits for winning the final race.

 

However, this rejection leads to some serious self questioning and doubt. What is wrong with my interviews? Did I say or do anything fundamentally wrong during the interviews? What is the thing that makes me unworthy judged by all interviewers? What is it i lack as compared to other successful candidates? What is my problem that screwed up every interview I have had?...Nervous?---No way, a big socializer, talking to people is what I enjoy most and what I do best. Over-confident?---Unlikely, as I still consider myself a humble person and there is seriously nothing for me to be too confident about. Boastful?---impossible, I normally will try to pick the most appropriate words and tell nothing but the truth....

 

Now the rejection is confirmed, but my questions are still unanswered. I plead to all my friends who have endured my long blabbering till this far to leave me with some fair and truthful comments, honestly tell me what characteristics of mine are deemed to be unfavorable by the potential employers. Millions of thanks and I will greatly apreciate your sincerity and objectivity.

 

Life has to go on, and searching has to continue. Being an optimist, I can never let go my hopes, as they are the reasons for my life that I have to live on. "God doesn't give you what you want because He wants to give you better", I hope this is true, and I hope the best is yet to come.

2pm aujourd’hui, 12 Avril 2007, il a marqué la fin de ma dernière classe de français, de ce semestre, et de mon vivre d’université.

 

我大学生涯的最后一节课像以往一样平静无常。M. Martin-Lau 依旧用很清晰的法语讲述着subjonctive et conditionnel 的用法，时不时的透露些 français 5 et français 6 的课程预览。我听着只能无奈的摇摇头，因为我已经无缘在这里继续。我觉得有些遗憾，有些伤感。遗憾着没有好好利用大学里的各种丰富资源，伤感着我所剩不多的学生时代。

 

法语课过后去交SDP final report，中间的一点小插曲也阻挡不了SDP 也即将结束的现实。天上下着雨，我一个人坐在空荡荡校车的最后一排，看着车窗外闪过的一座座熟悉的建筑，心想着说不定就在今天，将是我最后一次路过某间教室，最后一次走进某架电梯，最后一次在某间canteen 的某个stall 买饭。我想，我大概需要更加留心身边的一切事物，因为这一草一木一砖一瓦一台电脑一架打印机都曾经在我大学时代的某一刻出现而又消失。这一切在我不经意之中默默的陪伴我走过了也许是人生中最值得留恋的大学四年。

 

新加坡不是一个让人很会煽情的地方，新加坡的学校也不会让一批批走出校园的学子感觉到太多伤感。回想这四年，NUS 虽然未必给我很多值得怀念的东西，可我知道在未来的某一天，我还会时常想起自己大学时代的很多美好时光，想起令人开心的法语课，想起充满欢笑的ISE。

 

C’est fini.

 

C’est comme ça et c’est tout.

This is a rare chance to be alone for a precious while, something i've missed out since X'mas, or maybe even earlier.

 

Half of January 2007 is almost over, and i haven't achieved anything on my resolution list. Progress with the Ps is minimal,  results on job searching is null, number of blog entry is zero. i've no idea what i have been doing, probably nothing at all any way.

 

A self-deceiving excuse might be the personal tour guiding services i'm providing, FOC. Probably i don't deserve much pay in view of the service quality i offered. yet, i'm expecting another client on the 21st, I'm seriously considering of getting a tour guiding certificate.

 

Friends are great, the ones around you or the ones miles away, the ones you are so familiar with or the ones you've never even met. People are getting further but the world is getting smaller.

 

Honestly, I'm not in a very good state now, feeling overloading somehow, with loads of crap. i need some unloading and get on with a better life. but i'm expecting something better as the new week comes.

 

After many rounds of bidding, i was still beated on my face by the high bidding points for German 1 and French 3. Feel lucky though to be an add-on in French 4 class. hope i can handle it, french is more than a language to me now.

 

time to stop my mess and have a fresh start next week.

 

looking forward...   

The swing of jazz never fails to cheer me up, after several sips of coffee flavored liqueur in the rainy night, and some interesting and unique talks with my dear little devil, the mood is just nice to hold you up for a little swinging dance before i throw you into bed.

 

This feels good, the whole thing. it shatters my loneliness and brings me up to an entirely new level.

 

thank you my baby..