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    October 17

    金秋十月悠长假期大盘点

    二零零九年十月,长春。
     
    自一九九八年本人离家工作求学的十一年以来,我第一次回到了一直让我魂牵梦绕的浪漫金秋。感谢工作严谨的中国海关,在国庆八天长假中依然坚守在工作岗位上,委婉的回绝了我的经受过涡轮式洗衣机加洗衣粉洗礼过的护照,在我的人生中写下了第一笔被拒绝出关的经历,并因此将我在家的假期由原来的十七天增至现今的二十八天,成为我结束学生时代以来最长的假期。如此难得难忘的经历,我决定用数字来盘点这值得纪念的二十八天。
     
    九月二十一日晚上二十三时,我乘坐的由香港出发停经广州的航班在我的家乡长春平安降落,让我在十一年之后重回秋天的怀抱,重温秋日的柔情。
     
    在接下来的二十八天内,每日平均气温在十五至十八摄氏度的区间内上下浮动,没下过一场雨,没有过一次阴天,每天都是秋高气爽万里无云,每天都有好天气给人一份好心情。就在这样最适宜人类生存的天气里,我尽享着美食美酒美景,和家人朋友共渡美好人生。
     
    假期中最大的亮点当然要数举国欢腾的祖国六十年大庆。二零零九年十月一日上午十时,我与全国十多亿同胞一同见证了举世瞩目的大阅兵,再次回顾了我国建国六十年,改革开放三十年来的卓越成就。坐在家里新买的四十七寸电视机前的我,心中的激动难以言表,而千言万语汇成一句话--祖国万岁!
     
    庄严的阅兵式开启了史上最长的八天黄金周,也开始了我们全家的快乐假期。在之后的几天内,我累计长途驾驶里程超过一千公里,游历省内比较大的城市若干。游览了蛟河的红叶谷,采集红叶黄叶绿叶近百枚(后均因技术问题干枯腐烂,其损毁程度与我被洗过的护照有着极大的相似程度),回城途径庆岭,品尝了享誉东北的著名品牌--庆岭活鱼;隔天又赴营城子附近鱼塘钓鱼,在三小时内钓获体重两公斤以上大鱼四条,并在钓鱼间歇走访了附近水库山林和农舍,盗取田里老苞米两岁(后经农舍大炉灶烧熟而食,以销毁证据),并与农妇亲切攀谈,学习了木耳的培植技术,并了解到市场上价格昂贵的野生黑木耳大部分来源于栽培木耳筛选出的个头瘦小的残次品。随后又驱车前往二道江,探访在那里辛勤劳作的我的老叔,为同事购得板栗六公斤(后在栗子中捕获硕大蠕虫数十条)。后又在位于吉长公路十八公里处的圣德泉泡洗温泉近六小时,再次体会到享誉全国的吉林“水文化”。
     
    所谓钓胜于鱼,除上述收获外,我更在千公里的驾驶过程中领略着家乡黑土地养育出来的大好河山。万里良田里,农民伯伯们正忙着在这金秋时节收获金灿灿的稻子;东部林区中,满山的红叶映衬着湛蓝的天空。停下车来感受着清凉的微风拂面,不由得感叹地大物博的祖国江山如此多娇,家乡多麽美好。
     
    除了上述一系列以“贴近自然走近农田”为主题的赏秋活动外,我的假期更充斥着与亲朋好友的觥筹交错,领略着大都市里的灯红酒绿。经粗略统计,一个月内我所吃过的大小馆子近三四十家,体重增长五公斤,与数名老友会面,参加婚礼两场,缴纳各数礼金过千,并有幸首次担任伴郎一职。
     
    综上所述,我的这个难得的长假过得可谓是收获多多,体验多多,感悟多多。都说秋天是收获的季节,是浪漫的季节。我想明年的秋天我还会回来,不为别的,只为那无限迷人的秋色......
     
     
    满眼秋色:
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    落叶归根,化作春泥更护花。(注意落叶中隐藏着的昆虫)
     
    湖光山色:
     
    稻子熟了:
     
    农舍,农趣:
     
     
     
     
    大白菜,水稻和苞米地:
     
    肥硕的大白菜,肥硕的大蚂蚱:
     
    那蓝天下的黄与绿:
     
    丰收:
     
     
     
     
     
     
    July 05

    阴天

    雨,静悄悄的,从黄昏落到夜幕降临。雨水洗去了街上的嘈杂,窗外传来的只有偶尔的雷声和淅淅沥沥。
     
    阴天,在不开灯的房间,让所有的思绪都一点一点沉淀。
     
    这个周末,难得在家里懒了两天。懒得有些不知所措,以至让我想不起平日里的周末我都是如何度过,让我想不起究竟我在过着怎样的生活。现在很怕有人问起我的兴趣爱好,空闲时喜欢做些什么。我答不出。莫名其妙的忙碌,莫名其妙的不知道自己在为什么而忙碌,其实大抵是借着莫名其妙的忙碌而掩饰我的空虚。
     
    几个月才偶尔在这儿留下点我还活着的证据,然而每一件证据里都透露着沉沦和压抑。只有在我沉沦的时候才会来这儿发发牢骚吧,几个月才一次而已,看来我的生活里还是充满许多阳光的,我这样安慰自己。
     
    街灯亮了,暖暖的橘黄色的光透过被雨水淋湿了的窗...
     
    雨一直下,还是阴天...
     
    April 26

    今夜是难忘的

    河上的烛光是温暖的,
    经典的音乐是动听的,
    中老年人的艺术是美好的。
     
    回忆是值得回味的,
    浪漫是用来品味的,
    音乐加啤酒的周末是有滋味的。
     
    生活是要有质量的,
    爱情是要有力量的,
    人的潜能是不可限量的。
     
    今夜是难忘的。
    December 08

    越南 -- 充满失望的希望

    两个星期,六个城市,充满复杂背景的越南在我们open tour bus的一个个目的地一层层揭去神秘面纱。这个我已期待多年的国度也随着我们一步步的北上,让我在憧憬和失望中渐渐失去我想象中的魅力。

    从西贡车水马龙的喧嚣,到大叻高山田园的静溢;从芽庄白色沙滩的悠闲,到会安写满历史的古朴;再从顺化逝去皇城的威严,到河内首都老城的繁华。如此鲜明的反差和丰富多彩的文化背景正是越南一直吸引着我的地方。然而也许是因为期望太高,在我真正看到这些地方之后,我所感受到的是更多的失望和惋惜。

    越南作为东南亚新兴经济的领头军,蓬勃发展和进步的迹象随处可见。也许正是这些发展中的经济,让这些本应古朴宁静的地方变得很商业,或许也是因为经济还在发展的初期,越南人还没有学会应该如何经营这些本应很有味道的风景胜地,我本以为几百年法国人在这里的殖民统治会给这些地方留下许多浪漫,可我看到更多的却是小农意识所带来的对浪漫的摧残。同样的社会主义市场经济,越南和中国有着太多的相似,此番越南之行也让我对中国的旅游有了新的认识,我似乎可以从一个外国人眼中看到中国。心中不由得生出一丝悲哀,中国无疑比越南拥有更丰富的历史文化,然而呈现在世人眼前的却是对文化的践踏所带来的遗憾。

     

    西贡

    越南的经济中心。素以混乱的交通和数不尽的摩托车著称,可真的是不看不知道,一看吓一跳,街上的摩托车完全可以用汹涌蓬湃来形容。从机场到市区的一路上,真的让我领教了完全无秩序的交通。有一阵子,我甚至以为越南也是左侧通行。

    作为经济和商业中心,在这里也可以明显感受到这个城市和国家的发展,许多豪华公寓都在如火如荼的建设中,街道两旁的店铺虽不及香港、新加坡的高档豪华,林林总总的商品却也能显示出经济的繁荣。

    越南的市政建设也很有社会主义特色。除了随处可见的举着镰刀斧头的工农兵,或是伟大领袖胡志明的巨幅宣传画,街上还有很多花坛和修剪得很整齐的园林树木。傍晚我和睿睿路过一个街边的小广场公园,凉亭里有下棋的老人,空地上有一群人在学逾跏,几个年轻的小伙子在一起踢键子,小孩子和妈妈一起打羽毛球,长椅上坐着一对对的情侣,还有好多人在小树林中跑步。在公园的入口处还有某个人民英雄的雕像。一时间我真的觉得自己穿越了时间和空间的隧道,回到了八十年代的中国。连广场周围的垃圾和路边的小摊都几乎和那个时代的中国一模一样,只是那些挑着扁担带着斗笠卖东西的妇女才把我的思绪又拉回越南。

    一整天的闲逛,我们已把西贡市区逛得差不多,顺便找了间旅行社报名第二天的湄公三角洲一日游,这一天的行程让我们在越南第一次感觉被骗,说是游览湄公河上的美景,领略这片鱼米之乡的风光,并体验当地农民的生产劳作,可我们所看到的只是一条污染很严重的“黄河”,接下来便带我们一站站的购物。大船换小船,一站又一站,每到一站都想方设法的让人掏钱。虽说这一天的旅费倒也不贵,坐着船看看村民在河里洗澡,倒是也别有一番滋味,可我还是觉得有些浪费时间。我们回程的途中又遇到了暴风雨,载着二十多人的小船就在能见度不到五米的河面上航行。虽然船顶有篷,可大雨从船的四面打进来,所有人都挤到船中间,狂风和暴雨还是让人睁不开眼。半个多小时的航程下来,每个人都从头湿到脚,几个小女生不停地发抖,除了冷大概也有几分害怕。

    我的计划是把更多的时间留到北边,于是两天在西贡之后,我们便北上前往大叻(Dalat)。

     

    大叻

    前一天的大雨慢慢变小,伴随着我们从湄公河一直回到了西贡,又从西贡跟随到了DALAT,八个多小时的车程,一路一直是细雨绵绵。车子沿着山路一路爬升,最终在下午三点多才到了海拔一千多米的小镇。

    绵绵的小雨混合在山上凉爽的空气中,让我体会到了久违的秋天。虽然天气阴霾旅途疲惫,可我的心情却很清爽。据说这里因为地势高,从海上吹来的潮湿空气使得这里常年下雨。知道雨水不是冲我而来,让我心里有些得意的慰藉。

    DALAT因为天气凉爽,气候近似法国的阿尔卑斯山,使得它成为法国殖民者们感受“家”的地方。人说英国人带给殖民地的是文明(看香港、新加坡、澳洲和美国),法国人带给殖民地的是战乱(看越南、老挝、柬埔寨和非洲),然而更多的是他们的“法棍”,还有法国的美酒和美食。适宜的气候使DALAT不仅成为当年法国人的度假村,更是一个巨大的蔬果园。这里的水果和蔬菜不仅便宜新鲜,而且品种繁多。我和睿睿信言要在这儿用水果的差价吃出我们换美元时机不利的损失。

    晚上五六点钟,我们休息了几个小时之后准备出去吃饭,这时路上已经漆黑一片,湖边的路上没有路灯,街边的小店也只是星星点点的光亮,走到中央市场商贩们还都在,可每家都只有应急灯或手电筒照明,我们原以为是这里不够发达,毕竟这里没有了西贡的喧嚣,更多的是田园般的宁静。后来才听说是因为政府限时供电。

    第二天天空微微放晴,只是时不时的有几滴雨点,我们俩参照LP租了辆双人自行车,准备在DALAT市区和周边随便转转,感受一下田园的悠闲。

    我们的第一站是Crazy house —— 一家越南前主席的女儿所设计的旅店。书上都说这里是这位建筑师的杰作,可在我看来这里的创意更是卖点。整个旅店被设计成一个童话般的奇幻世界,五彩缤纷的楼梯像迷宫般的把一个个房间连在一起,每个房间都用不同的动物命名,房间的形状和室内的布置也是各式各样。我不知道有没有人愿意花三四十美金住在这个每天迎接无数游客参观的旅店,不过花上12000越南盾的门票去看看这奇特的创意倒是不错。

    本着悠闲轻松的原则,我和睿睿决定只挑一个离市区比较近的景点去看看。之前要先解决肚子问题,在DALAT市区里骑车闲逛虽然有时上坡有点累,但还是比较惬意,时不时会在路边看到一个山谷,星星点点的房舍和野花,还有大片的树林和农田,我们就选了一家僻静的小咖啡店,借助着LP上的几个越南语词汇点了饭菜,坐在庭院里看着小雨享受着宁静。

    歇息够了我们继续上路。又是看着LP,我们选择前往VALLEY OF LOVE,这个浪漫的名字让我们在越南第二次受骗。我本以为这里会是个小山谷,像阿尔卑斯的田园那样。结果骑车骑了五公里之后,看到入口处几个拙劣的雕塑,几张丑陋的照片,五公里之后的疲劳和天上的小雨让我对这里原有的梦幻期待彻底破灭。于是我们索性调头回返,在天黑之前回到了旅店。

    我开始祈祷第二天的天气会好起来,因为我们的下一个目的地是潜水圣地——芽庄。

     

    芽庄

    又是大半天的车程,此番是从高山上下来驶向海边的芽庄。 

    车子渐渐下行,阴雨绵绵的潮气随着气压的逐渐升高慢慢散去,几个小时的昏睡之后我们终于又见到了久违的太阳。车子行驶在半山腰的公路上,从车窗望出去便可俯视拍打着礁石的海浪了。

    阳光让人心情愉快,一觉醒来看到如此壮阔的海岸线更让我神清气爽舒畅淋漓。车子随着沿海公路轻松的前行,我也跟着轻松起来,找到了度假的感觉。 

    进入芽庄市区之前,我们途径一条整齐得和周围景致不协调的公路,后来才发现原来环球小姐们曾在几个月前来这里选美,虽然公路两边还流露着当年小渔村的诸多痕迹,环球小姐们毕竟不能承受太多颠簸,下了车一个个吐得东倒西歪成何体统。

    沿海公路的轻松惬意到了市区反而少了很多。海边又见很有社会主义特色的大花园,白色的沙滩也并不像马来西亚海滩的细致,沙子有些扎脚。大概是季节的缘故,海水不像泰国的那般清澈见底,浪倒是很猛很大。傍晚涨潮的时候我跟睿睿站在沙滩上,看着墙一般的浪朝着我们冲过来,不由得心生敬畏。又想到当年的大海啸,大自然的力量的确能吞噬生命。 

    我们来这儿并不是为了海浪白沙滩,而是物美价廉的潜水。据说这里学潜水的价格全球最低,于是我们特地等了几个月准备来这儿take 我们的advance diving course。

     Diving shops 的确是一家挨着一家,我们挑了几家问问价钱,最后跟法国人Fred 谈妥,200块钱6dive完成我们的advance course,实在是划算。

     接下来两天便都在潜水了。和之前去过的地方相比,这里的dive sites 的确让人无可挑剔。没看到什么海龟鲨鱼,不过海底的洞穴岩石还有许多之前没见过的东西又让我们开了眼。虽然第一天早上还有些小雨,我们又选在了所谓的最差潜水季节,但水下的能见度还是不错,水下也几乎没有current,实在适合潜水初学者。在这里建议各位走过路过不要错过,在这里看看水下的越南,我不得不说是这两个星期里最精彩的两天。

     两天六个dive 下来,我们还在考虑要不要在芽庄多住一天,也好参与一下那天晚上万圣节的狂欢。不过我还是对北边的越南有更多的憧憬,于是还是决定当天晚上就继续北上,前往古镇会安。

     

     

    会安

    我一直对这个被列入联合国教科文组织世界文化遗产名录的小镇充满无限期待。幻想着我会在这儿找到斯德哥尔摩老街的安静,法国小镇的浪漫和江南水乡的斯文。

    第二天一早车子到站的时候,这个古朴的小镇还在睡梦中。我们安顿好了行装便开始拿着地图开始寻访历史。 

    我们沿着LP上所推荐的步行线路进入古镇,却着实为古镇的新颜而感到叹息。一家挨一家的小店铺兜售着一样的旅游纪念品,每一家又都随意的漫天要价,明摆着的arbitrage。小巷两边的房子的确看得出岁月的风霜,然而却只是让我觉得脏兮兮陈旧和凌乱,全然没有想象中的古朴韵味。我想大抵是这些店铺玷污了古朴所需要的“朴质”气息吧,几分钟下来便让我觉得索然无味。

     我不由的又想到中国。不知道中国开放给游客们的江南的古镇,或是北京的胡同会不会也是如此这般的充斥着缺乏治理的混乱和小商贩的铜臭。建筑也许可以保留下来,新的主人可能有赋予百年的老建筑新的功能,然而当年的意境却早已荡然无存,我何苦千里迢迢来参观一家落满灰尘压抑黑暗的礼品店呢。不知道懂得欣赏历史的游人看到开在紫禁城里的星巴克咖啡是不是也有跟我类似的感受。

     我幻想中的会安应该有更多的古香古色,我不介意现代化的商店咖啡屋,可无论是外部装修还是内部环境都应该更考究些,更能融入周围的环境当中。也许我对这个发展中国家要求太过苛刻,小镇上留下来当年华侨所兴办的各个会馆和诸多的庙宇牌坊的确记录了历史,特别是在这个经历了几十年战乱的国家,能有这么一块保存完整的古迹的确也不容易。我也因此可以原谅越南人抱着这一点点几百年前老祖宗留下来的东西混饭吃,几个所谓的著名景点在我看来实在不敢太作恭维。我只是觉得惋惜,联合国教科文组织也没能挡住小农意识的侵袭,其实这个地方可以更美更有文化和历史气息。

     

     

    顺化

    一天走完了会安的古镇,我们第二天便又启程前往我们的下一个目的地了。怀揣着对会安的失望和叹息,我们对顺化也不敢再抱有太多的幻想。

    也许是因为旅途的疲劳,睿睿在会安就有些感冒,一直咳嗽不止。到了顺化病情又有些加重。加之我们听说河内洪水的消息,从顺化到河内的大巴已经不通了。于是我们索性在顺化安心住下来一边养病,一边等着河内的洪水退去。

    这一住就是三天。顺化是越南当年的皇城。我们一直住在城南游客聚居的地方,几天里一直猫在酒店的房间里,从早到晚的看电视。好在越南的酒店大本分都有卫星电视,HBO, Discovery,凤凰卫视,CNN, BBC…除了在酒店周围找地方吃饭,我们两天半的时间哪儿也没去。只是到了第三天,睿睿的病情有些好转,我才骑车带着她去皇城里边转转。

    55000VD的门票着实不怎么便宜,跟故宫紫禁城的雄伟比起来,这个当年占婆王国的皇城实在有些不起眼。皇宫里放眼望去都是中文字,更让我不由感叹中华文化的博大,和在这儿追寻历史的不划算。

    由于多年的战乱,皇宫保存的也很不完整,几个破破烂烂的宫殿里边也都改成了纪念品商店,中庭里的断壁残垣还在修复之中,在我看来更像是圆明园。睿睿还是不住咳嗽,我们也只是到此一游一番后就失去了兴趣。

     回酒店的途中路过一个貌似规模很大的超级市场,可里边零食的选择实在不多。一个多星期吃的最多的就是pho,我们也决定换换口味,尝尝越南的肯德基。结果也大失所望,一个偌大的塑料盘子里放着四块小得可怜的鸡翅,味道也和别处的不太一样,我还是第一次在肯德基看到金属的刀叉和玻璃的可乐杯。

     三天之后我们的open tour bus 终于重新通车,我们便踏上了我们此番旅行的最后一段路程,前往越南首都河内。

     

    河内

    整整两个星期的背包旅行,说来惭愧,这大概是我出行时间最久的一次。可能也是因为走的久了就对什么都失去了兴趣,以前在欧洲出门一个多星期之后我也会多少有些审美疲劳。在我一站站的对越南失望的最后,到了河内我的希望也所剩无几。

     本来一路上一直听人说Sapa 的好,可因为几天洪水的耽搁,我们剩下时间也不够再去到Sapa了。人说不到下龙就不算到过越南,于是我们也便不免俗的报名参加了下龙湾两天一夜的旅行团。

     常有人用下龙湾和桂林山水相比,说这里是海上桂林。我没去过桂林,不过下龙湾的美景的确名不虚传。平静的海面上形式各异的钟乳石岛屿从海中间林立出来,其奇特和瑰丽着实令人叹为观止。躺在船上晒晒太阳吹吹海风看看美景,的确轻松惬意。

     第一天下午去kayaking,简简单单的晚餐过后一行人便都到船顶上聊天。同船的十几个人都很谈得来,两个荷兰毕业旅行的学生,一对法国环球旅行的夫妇,一位秘鲁的前citibanker现任professional trekker,四位泰国的医生,还有一个在德州餐馆洗盘子的美国人。不同身份不同背景在这享誉世界的美景当中天南海北的讨论着各种社会政治经济问题。虽然十一月北越的海风已经有几分寒意,一瓶儿越南的vodka加上几瓶啤酒却让我心里其乐融融。

     我本来期待下龙湾可以成为我此番越南之行的最亮点,结果这两天一夜的行程却将我对越南人的失望推上了最高峰。

     下龙湾的确美不胜收,然而几百艘大同小异的游船布满了整个海面,像是一支海盗舰队朝着自然的美景无情的摧残。所谓English speaking 的导游一张嘴就让我想把自己胳膊揪下来丢他,英文实在让人难受不说,他简直就把一船游客当着牲口赶,一点都没有导游应有的热情和激情。还有其他的琐碎我也不想太多赘言,总之这两天一夜成为我们同行人中很多游走全球的最差旅游经历。

    第二天早上十一点,我们就结束了两天一夜的下龙湾之行,在马路边站了一个多钟头等车来接我们。吃了一顿在我看来比监狱里还惨淡的午餐之后,我又被挤在一辆小巴的过道座位上,三个半小时之后回到了河内。

    同行的美国人说得好,the worst day of holiday is better than the best day at work. 回到河内便意味着我们两个星期的越南之旅即将接近尾声。最后一天中午从酒店check out,我和睿走在河内的老城,匆匆忙忙的逛着一家家小店,我才又觉得不舍。我期待两年的旅行就这样在一个又一个的失望中结束了。

     

     

    在越南,我看到了二十年前的中国,体会到了什么是真正的“发展中国家”。一切都已经开始了朝着好的方向发展,然而在过程之中展现出来的却未必是最好的东西。好像青春期脸上长着逗的少女,好像变成天鹅之前的丑小鸭。这里不像柬埔寨,看到的只有让人绝望的贫穷;这里不像已经发展几百年的欧洲,除了东西贵让游客无所担忧。这里是发展中的越南,虽然从多层角度都不是一个让我很欣赏的民族,在这里却让我可以感受到发展中的蓬勃和活力。我也知道我在越南所经历的种种丑陋在中国也未必会好很多。可我真心的希望这些发展中的国家能打开门窗让更多好的东西进来,却不要为迎合外来的东西而失去自我。民族的才是世界的,最朴质的才是最美的。

    我相信再过几年越南将又是一番新的模样,我希望如果再有机会,这个国家不要让我再失望。

    October 12

    The Vagina Monologue

    很久没有去剧场看戏了。几个女人的阴道独白,让我再次感受到剧场的魅力。
     
    不晓得其他版本的《阴道独白》导演如何处理,新加坡的Zebra Crossing这次让独白变成更多对白,几个代表着不同身份的女人一起热热闹闹的搬出了这台戏,个人觉得效果还是很不错的。几乎座无虚席的国图戏剧中心里,两个小时笑声不断,掌声不断。Loretta Chen 去年导演的<251>我就一直想去看,想必女性主题也算是这位导演的风格了。
     
    剧本的主题和其处理方式使得这出戏常演常新。编剧Eve Ensler以interview 的形式讨论各种关于阴道的问题,从而延伸到女性的问题。Interview 总可以有新的对象,于是便有新的话题。话题也会随着时间和空间的转移而变化。我觉得这倒很有美剧的风范--每一个新的season都会有新的故事。新加坡版本的故事自然也有很多本地特色的东西。
     
    一开场台上的演员们就很兴奋的煽动着全场观众一起跟着说 vagina,这毕竟不是一个常人每天经常用到的词,然而作为贯穿全场的主线,这样的处理方式倒是能使观众慢慢适应起来。随后节奏紧凑的各种语言版本的vagina名称也奠定了整场戏的基调。我喜欢这种看似重复的堆叠词语的处理方式,不知道是出自原剧本还是导演的发挥。几个演员在台上不断的走动,不断的交替递进,加之楼梯型舞台的设计,使得整个舞台显得很有层次感。
     
    接下来的几段monologues讲述了几段不同的关于阴道的故事。关于性,关于爱,同性的,变性的,关于生育,关于暴力,然而贯穿始终的在我看来还是一种释放,一种对拥有vagina各种复杂感情的表达,一种对作为女人的骄傲的表达。
     
    我不想更多的描述每一段monologue,也不想对各个女性主题发表我的看法,毕竟看戏要看的就是一种置身其中的共鸣,意境更重要。
     
    简单说说我认为的一些美中不足。
     
    每次Vagina monologue 的演出演员人数都有所不同,而这次似乎是用了多达九名演员,每个人不仅有自己monologue 中的身份,在其他段落中也会有不同的身份。这样的处理方式把monologue 变成 dialogue,甚至 multi-logue,使得整场戏更有活力更有看头。可我也觉得有些杂散凌乱,特别是时不时还有分段串场的小段子出来,加上投影在大屏幕上的video,有点让我觉得偏离主体,缺少了些focus。
     
    整体舞台的设计我很喜欢,简洁明了,富于变化。只是觉得因为演员不得不用mic的缘故,声音听起来却少了剧场里应有的现场感和层次感,从音响中传出来的声音听不出远近左右,与至于我不得不满舞台的找人对口型,才能知道这句台词出自谁之口。使用mic也让我觉得演员的声音缺少了感染力和表现力,以至让人对演员的演技都有所失望。我个人觉得这样的演出似乎应该用小一些的剧场,这样会有更多的intimacy,效果应该会更好。
     
    综合来说我觉得这还是一部很值得一看的戏,其中众多大胆的对性的描述,包括一段很精彩的pole dancing,都很sexy and erotic,却不会让人觉得色情。我觉得就像这出戏的Synopsis 里写的,"whether you are a Man from Mars or woman from Venus, you should come and celebrate all things wild, wonderful and women!"
     
     
     
     
    June 04

    6.4

    十九年前的今天,天安门广场浩浩荡荡,年轻的国人们用生命喊着:“要民主!”,西方的媒体冷眼的评论着:“屠杀啦!”
     
    地震后的中国,空前的团结,空前的亢奋。只希望不要再有流血,不要再有牺牲..
     
    May 21

    中国,加油!

    三分钟,汽笛声,警报声,哀乐声响彻神州长空,随之而来的是更持久,更震撼,更加嘹亮的的“中国,加油!”
     
    没有机会亲临现场,我坐在电脑屏幕前看着视频里普普通通的中国百姓眼含泪水的高呼“中国加油,四川加油,万众一心,众志成城”,我也再忍不住眼泪,除了对逝者的哀悼,更多的是对国人的感动。
     
    这三分钟,举国上下的百姓停下了手里的一切,为的只是悼念。
    这三分钟,素昧平生的人们走到一起,默默的为祖国祈福。
    这三分钟,没有人组织没有人号召,熙攘的闹市街头剩下的也只是停下来汽车的鸣笛声和肃杀的防空警报声。
    这三分钟,这一刻,在神州大地上,在十三亿中华儿女的心里定格成了永恒。
     
    在如此惨烈的天灾面前,可爱的中国人民们体现出的是如此坚强,如此团结,如此高尚。就单单为了广场上此起彼伏的“中国加油”,作为中国人又有什么理由不为自己的祖国和人民而感到骄傲。
     
    2008年的春天,中国经历了一次又一次的考验。而就是这一次比一次严峻的考验当中更让我们看到这个国家这个民族的凝聚力。团结就是力量,十三亿人民凝聚在一起的力量不可估量。
     
    越是面临挑战我们越是坚强,越是经历磨难我们才更有力量。这样的国家不会垮,这样的民族不会垮。我们曾经担心80年后的年轻人担不起中国,我们曾经怀疑和平年代的中国是不是早已没有了革命年代的志气。这一声声的中国加油清除了我们的怀疑,这一声声的中国加油让我看到中国仍充满无限希望。
     
    中国人,好样儿的!
    中国,好样儿的!
     
    中国,加油!
    May 18

    5.12

    三千次大地的震动,
    粉碎了多少家庭;
    千万座楼房的坍塌,
    夺走了多少生命;
    几万具无人认领的尸体,
    因为他们的亲人也已罹难;
    十几岁被深埋在废墟中的孩童
    渐渐弱去的呼喊
       撕裂了所有善良人民的心。
     
    十几个小时的徒步,
    救援队伍缓缓进入震中;
    几百名英勇的伞兵,
    跳出舱门瞬间忘却的
       是他们闪光的生命;
    六十多岁的总理,
    奔走于残垣断壁,
    他在一线指挥着与苍天的战斗,
    带来更多的却是对生命的期冀
       和一面将永远屹立不倒的旗帜。
     
    几千辆出租车一齐向危难挺进,
    仿佛一条矫健的巨龙
       在黑暗里开出生命之路。
    数十个城市饱和的血库里
    流淌着热血充满了关爱与真诚。
    千里之外赶来的朋友,
    也义无反顾的向危险前行
    多一双手就多一份力量
    多一份力量就多一线希望。
    数以亿计的捐款,
    让灾区人们的苦难早些结束;
    四面八方送来的祝福,
    将爱心溶成一首动听的歌  ---
     
    中华民族到了最危急的时刻,
    我们万众一心,
    用自己的爱
    筑成我们新的长城。
    May 11

    I wanna be myself...

    It's hard to be alone and not thinking about all sorts of things that i shouldn't be thinking about.
     
    I'm too used to have her around, to see her when i'm back home late, to hug her when i can't sleep, to study with her and talk about stupid things, to slack in bed on Saturday/Sunday mornings.
     
    I always complaint the room is too messy when she is around, but now it's tidy and clean, i feel it's too big and empty, i don't even know what i should do other than thinking about things that i shouldn't be thinking about...
     
    I wanna take a break, from all those things i have now, work, study and people around me..
     
    I wanna go to Tibet, feel myself losing my breathe and get lost in the snow mountain and blue sky; i wanna go to Yunnan, slack in the quiet old town and watch time pass by; I wanna go to Chiangmai,  trekking in the jungle and touch the nature....
     
    I just wanna take a break, from all those things i have and be myself again, just for a while..
     
    Missing my school days, missing my days in Finland, when my biggest worry was not being able to secure a ticket to my next destination.
     
    All these have become long gone past. I have been stuck in my pathetic little life, locked up and nailed down.
     
    I want my freedom.
     
    I wanna be myself....
    May 05

    青年节

    有人提醒我说,今天是青年节。我怔了一下,安慰自己说这应该正是属于我的节日,26岁--正当青年好年华。

    今天看到好多人都在感慨自己不再年轻,感慨逝去的风花雪月的情怀,感慨许多曾经感觉遥遥无期的话题转眼都已冲到了面前,直勾勾的注视着我,心里发慌。

    一晃之间2008年已近过半,工作虽依然忙碌却也渐渐得心应手起来。现在回头看看觉得毕业还像是一场梦,懵懵懂懂的已经踏上工作岗位近一年,虽然薪水没见到许多提高,工作中的期待值却不能停留在初出茅庐的新手程度了。自以为年轻的我竟在这不断提升的期待中感受到很多接受挑战的乐趣。身边几个合得来的同事也跟我差不多同龄,在一起的闲聊也都会给我很多前进的动力。

    回想大学的生活还真是安逸。四年下来年轻的灵魂便在这安逸中静静的死去了。没有奋斗没有努力,更没有当年五四运动时大学生们的青春热血。毕业了,在汹涌潮水的冲击下我才觉得自己慢慢醒来,掸掸身上的尘土,该加快脚步的赶路了。

    更让我汗颜觉醒的是我的后辈们。看那些小我几届的师弟师妹们的忧患意识和危机感竟然比我还要强,拿到的intern 的薪水竟然比我现在的还要高,这时我才意识到自己已经被落下了好多。我需要迎头看上,补回我死去的那几年。

    复活的青春,我相信会活得更灿烂。

    祝身边的青年朋友们节日快乐!

     

     

    December 30

    写在2007岁末

    2007年,在我的生活里发生了这样几件事:
    1. 我的为期十八年的学生时代以二级甲等荣誉学士学位结束。
    2. 开始了我人生中第一份正式工作,并拥有了第一张属于自己的信用卡,存款金额首次超过五千新元。
    3. 来岛国八年十一个月后,身份证由绿色变为蓝色,民众联络所来信欢迎我加入新加坡community。
    4. 爸妈见到了鱼尾狮,我发现有妈的地方就是家。
    5. 收到两位好朋友的婚礼邀请,元月六日在长春,五日在圣淘沙。
     
    这一年有太多的东西值得我记录,最终留于文字的却只有寥寥几篇。我翻看自己去年写过的东西,好生羡慕并钦佩自己曾经竟然有那么多精力和时间,也许这般的奢侈已经离我太远。我的2007年,留下的只有几行大事记,还有大事背后缺乏纪录的遗憾。
     
    工作之后,让我对时间的概念很模糊。从前也知道时光飞逝,可那时似乎还常能听到时钟敲打嘀嗒的声音。朝九晚九的工作,把我生命时间轴的最小单位变成了分钟。每个report 的deadline 总是昨天,老板所需要的东西总是now, Now, NOW。大概也是因此,让我很难意识到五十二万五千六百分钟就是一年,如若不是daily reporting 上的日期,我大概也想不到再过两天就是2007年的最后一天----我的2007年,插满了生命里程碑的一年。
     
    人说大学毕业之前总会感到迷茫,不知道自己要走的路在何方。我迷迷糊糊的被冲向金融界的人流卷到了金融界的边缘地带,也说不清楚对自己的位置有多少喜欢多少愁,更说不清自己的未来会是怎样。我也不知道自己选择的是不是我该走的路,只能相信鲁迅先生的话---“其实这世上本没有路,走的人多了,也便成了路。”披荆斩棘也好,一路坎坷也罢,敢问路在何方,答曰路在脚下。新一轮的迷茫之中,只能相信前方不远处就会有光明。
     
    人真是复杂的动物。独处的时候想要陪伴,有了伴又渴望更多的私人空间。每天工作十几个小时,有时希望迎接自己的是家的温暖,却也有时只想一头栽到床上一睡不醒。结婚在我周围突然成了新的流行,我照例被抛在潮流之后,一眼望去只有一片茫然。我的2007年,因为ruirui的陪伴变得平淡的甜蜜,甜蜜的平淡。我不知道这样的日子会走多远,只觉得应该现在拥有的,无论结局如何,留下的回忆还是很美。我想要有个家,虽然多年的漂泊已经让我忘却了家的滋味。
     
    我真的离开家太久了,以至于家中的生活让我变得不习惯。爸妈来到新加坡,让我记忆中的生活和现实中的生活面对面,这才发现原来我跟父母之间已经不只是代沟。文化背景上的隔阂,生活习惯上的隔阂,语言交流上的隔阂。家还是那个家,变了的是我。我的变是从根本上的,父辈们大概永远也无法跟得上。这个已经接纳我为永久居民的地方,对他们来说将永远都是异乡。
     
    永久居民,permenant resident。这个词让我觉得很可怕。我不喜欢任何 permenant 的东西,更不喜欢 permenantly 住在这个让我充满迷茫的地方。我似乎已经慢慢的悄悄的渐渐的安心于这里,习惯于这里,甚至开始扎根于这里。大概终归是到了开始扎根的年龄吧。小树可以连根拔起轻轻松松的移植到另一篇土壤,而一旦长成大树,根深蒂固之后再移便会大伤元气了。这是我不想的,也是我所怕的。一半的我喜欢居无定所漂泊的生活,可不知道没有养料供应,这半个我还能存活多久。我希望自己能再开拓一片新的天地,却不知道when and how,不知道到那时我在这里的根会有多深。
     
    在2007年的岁末用一个词概括我的具有划时代意义的2007,大概可以用茫然。如果要用一个词概括2008,我希望可以用“希望”。
     
    1. 我希望每天都能找到让自己开心的事,学会简单的快乐。
    2. 我希望家人朋友一切都好,有生命才有希望,有希望才有生活。Live for hope, hope for life.
    3. 我希望自己能去更多的地方走走,并记录下自己走过的路。
    4. 我希望我能少些迷茫。
    5. 我希望2008北京奥运圆满成功,中国变得更好。
    6. 我希望我的希望不会变成失望。
     
         新年快乐!
     
     
     
     
     
    November 25

    Back to school..

    It has been a long while since I was back in school again. It felt good.

     

    On the first look, everything is so familiar – the buildings, the people, the free A1 buses. People walking pass by are still wearing the sloppy t-shirt and slippers, or nicer T shirt and slippers. They remind me of how I was few months ago, but suddenly I feel I am so much older

     

    Things have changed faster than I expected, subtly – the long anticipated new arts canteen does look nicer than before, and I had to be smuggled into library since the matric card I have in my wallet is already deactivated from the entire NUS system 4 months ago.

               

    But it still feels good to be back in school. It’s again the exam period, again the mugging period, again the period where one can hardly find a seat in the library. It’s quiet and cold there as usual. Peaceful. I feel the passion of learning there, even though the passion had hardly surfaced when I was a legitimate member of the library.

     

    The late afternoon sunlight was warm and cozy when we stepped out of the library. In the dusk of a Saturday, the campus is peaceful still, vibrant still. Joggers run pass us, you can breath the youth in their perspiration, and by that, I feel myself young again.

     

    Still so many posters around -- all sorts of activities waiting for these college kids to spend their seemingly endless free time in. But now I feel the 4 years of free time really flies like rocket, even though it seemed endless to be as well before. I wish I could be part of the trekking trip, or the surfing course, or for that matter, anything that could bring me back to my student life.

     

    But after all, my life now isn’t too bad. 3 diving trips in 2 months, I try to convince myself with such. You never know how your life will be like in four year’s time. That’s the beauty of it. But no matter what, seize the day, however sucky you feel. Sometime later, you may find that was the best moment of your life.

    November 21

    exploding..........

    Agitated, frustrated, exhausted...
     
    What's the meaning of job? what's the meaning of life?
     
    the job bearly pays for the rent, so that you could enjoy better life with your loved ones; the job eats away your entire life, left with nothing to enjoy, only your loved ones adrifted further and away.
     
    I wish i could be living underwater forever, swim with the fishes, worrying about nothing. There, my internal pressure equalizes better with the water pressure, and back into the real world, i become a non-accurate time-bomb, ready to explode any minute.
     
    what's the point? really.
     
    I don't like this life, it has never been this tiring. i wish i could have 2 more head and 4 more hands, maybe then i could have a shorter to-do-list.
     
    enough said, time to sleep, to be ready for another sucky day.
    September 23

    Home alone

    朋友中有人筹划着结婚,也有人面临着分手。在这个阳光明媚的周末,我一个人在网上,“享受”着home alone.
     
    Without the "lazy around" in the morning, without the sweet breakfast, this weekend feels much longer than normal. Sometimes I feel myself so cut off from the world that i used to be in, without her I could rot to death at home.
     
    It is an age of transition now, from a poor student to a white collared cheap labour, from a single bachelor to husband/wife, it's a period that human society is doomed to go through, sometimes it could be simply hard.
     
    I can't see where my life will be in the next 5 years, there are too many unpredicatability. I like the way that life is full of unknown adventures, daily routines could drive me crazy; but I hate to see nothing into my future, the bottomless hollowness petrifies me even more. I need a place to stay, i need a job that would pay for my meals and diving trips, and I need someone to stay with me, to eat with me and i also need a diving buddy.
     
    It seems i have these all, but somehow I never feel they belongs to me. I am such a contradicting person, that I need something I already have, and I need certainty and uncertainty to co-exist in my life. Maybe it's the sense of insecurity. I feel i am too weak to secure anything now. Owning nothing but owing everything, my asset liability ratio equals zero over infinity.
     
    I hope to settle down soon and live my life the proper way, I hope to travel to Turkey and South America, I hope to capture the sunrise in Tibet and sunset in Egypt with my own camera, I hope to live and work in Paris or Stockholm for a while and make a trans-america trip before 30. There are too many things i hope to do, but I can't see how these could be achieved.
     
    One at a time, maybe that's the best way. I'm surrounded by people who have accomplished these to different extent, marvellous and miraculous they seem to be, they are all a lively bunch living around me. We are a fortunate generation who have experienced much more and feel it would never be enough, and that keeps us fighting harder to experience even more.
     
    Everyday life could be a routine, but when there is hope, surprises will turn the routine into a more pleasant way.
     
    Set a goal for myself today, and I am going to enjoy dinner with my diving buddy! Afterall, she is the someone who makes my routine life more pleasant, and her presence makes my life larger than it seems to be.  
     

    The Citibank Experience -- Service Value #15

    Let's get it done!--The new Citi brandname.
    But 3 months into the job, I realize it can never be done in here. You think you could be less busy next week after finishing this memo, yet there will be something else popping up on Friday evening, which would keep you busier for the next 2 weeks. I thought how hard it would be to manage the portfolio for something with 20,30 yrs of contractual life?!Not like stock prices that changes every second. But no matter how traditional the product is, it is still in the core of financial market, and that means vibrance, that means speed, that means changes are taking places every day.
     
    Support change and growth--Client 1st Service Value #12.
    Guess i am growing with the everyday changes. Before i realize it, I'm already senior enough to coach my new colleagues on our products and processes, yet i'm still struggling myself to get things sorted out. I feel lucky that I am not doing sales, as it would be too much pressure to call myself a Home Loan Specialist, when it might take me more than a few months to really specialize in home loans. Hence, still learning something new every now and then, and that's the way i like it.
     
    Invest in learning--Client 1st Service Value #9
    Learning is certainly more than the excelling in Excel sheet, relationships with colleageus and bosses is of course much trickier than classmates in school. I'm not good at handling relationships, just pray I don't screw up too much here. A good network of people gets you anywhere you want, I wonder where my net is weaved to.
     
    Maintain a professional Image--Service Value #2
    A shirt with a tie, i thought it would be pretty cool dress up like this everyday. And here i am, in the same league with these "cool" people, and feeling totally otherwise. Blue is the Citi corporate color, and I do feel the blueness quite often. Maybe it's just the period of trying to find out what I really like and what I really want, and trying to fit what i already have into any of these 2 categories. Sometimes it works out fine, and I see the color of blue sky, feeling myself diving into it and fly high; other times it is the color of deep blue sea, beyond the beautiful corals, bottomless darkness is all i can see.
     
    Build for long term--Service Value #8
    It just takes time, be it blue sky or the sea, i need to adjust the pressure and try to equalize in any cases. "Survival of the fittest"---so fit in first before talking about survival. Learning swimming after being thrown into the storming sea, I feel myself already getting better at it, fit into the rythem and follow the pace, resonant with the movement, sometimes struggling can also be as enjoyable as music.
     
    One Citi -- with red arc the new Citi logo.
    At times I feel life is really hard, my monkey pay barely covers peanuts and the rental, while everyday seeing so many people owning a 7-digit house and still keeping a 7-digit balance in their checking account. I don't even need to look into my portfolio book, just a glance at the people around me: fluently tri-lingualism is a norm, the probability of a randomly selected person working in a World top 100 company is almost 99%, everyone is flying across continents and still trying to fly higher. But still, life is hard on everyone, there is always hardwork behind the glory. I still feel myself among the luckiest top 5%. Afterall, we are all living in one City -- A city of possibility. No matter where THE city is, we are lucky enough that we could explore and adventure into a wider horizon.  
     
     
    July 29

    something about life

    It has been almost 2 months into my working life, time flies faster than one can feel.
     
    Besides following the suggestion from an old friend, guess I really ought to leave some words here before everyone starts forgetting about me or assuming I have left the world to Mars.
     
    Working is more tiring than I expected. There is nothing much else I want to do every night other than sleep. Weekends thus naturally become a salvation for my sleep deprivation, which partly explains why I am still awake at such a crazy hour on Sunday early morning.
     
    Life is not all about fun, and working is what makes life possible. High level of comfort with Excel and data analysis is clearly stated in my job scope, and that is really all about my job as a portfolio analyst. Generating daily/weekly/montly reports on various aspects of the whole mortgage book is the basic requirement of my position, which is what has been keeping me in the office till 9pm several times in the last few weeks.
     
    Life is not all about fun, but having some fun out of it makes life more meaningful. There has been a number of events since I joined Citibank. Free entrance and free flow and drinks and snacks in M.O.S on my 3rd day in the bank, family day at Wild Wild Wet even though i couldn't make it, and the recent KL offsite trip somehow reminds me of the Vappu week in Finland with endless drinking, only that the 5 star hotel stay and the 2 nights party were all on company account (or maybe on my big boss's account).
     
    I guess there are many benefits that are beyond the imagination of a student, but already, I have missed my care free student life somehow after 2 months in the real world. Nothing comes for free, and certainly not money. I am paid to work, and thus has to get the work done. My job is all about numbers, and I have to get the numbers right. Sometimes when my boss keep on spotting my stupid careless mistakes, I am really worried if I am competent for this job, or for any job. I could bluff my way out with fake data and still get an A in my student project, but my boss would question me on a 1 bps (0.01%) difference in my results and his anticipation. I need to have all necessary numbers at hand and at heart and be ready to provide them at any time. It's hard to say whether I will like this job, but it is definitely challenging and enriching, and I hope to do well nonetheless.
     
    There are many other things i can talk about my current life, there has been too many changes since the last 2 months. But my future is still blurred, everything still feels so unreal. Hope i can see further in to the future sooner, as I am already on my way to my future.
     
    Live well, life is still going on...
     
     
    May 15

    blabbering..

    Maybe it's the graduation, maybe it's the emptiness in my life, maybe it's the packing, (yet again, packing), I'm once again stroked by nostalgia, sentiment, and some untractable bitter and sadness.
     
    Plenty of things awaits me, yet I am hiding in my room from dawn to dusk, killing my life with meaningless and endless movies. Reminds me of my last few days in Finland, however, i know that was an ending, but now is supposed to be a beginning.
     
    Hostel is getting emptier everyday, I will be homeless next week. Almost a decade on this tiny island, all i have is still just that few broken luggage covered in dust, even my lunch today is paid by friend. My wallet is empty, so does my bank account.
     
    People are starting their interns/jobs/travels, i am still clueless about my next week of life. I love adventures, but I hate this unsettling uncertainties in life.
     
    I don't want to talk, but I need a hug, better still, a job...
    May 03

    some reflections..

    I'm a loser and failure --- i lost many precious times and opportunities and i failed in almost everything i did.
     
    I was in a too comfort zone, worry nothing but where i should go for my next travel destination. The passion of seeing the whole world will reside in my blood until the blood dries out, but there are more important things needed  to be done now.
     
    I need to figure out what i want in my life.
     
    I need to get busy and start doing something.
    May 01

    Good morning, the 25-years-old me!

    Waking up this morning, everything feels the same--the same old aching body from too much/less sleep, the same old cranky face after seeing the time displayed on the handphone, the same old unwillingness to drag myself out of the comfort of dreamland back to the cruelty of the reality. But I know one thing that is different now, as I am officially one year older again.

     

    The last few days of the 24-years-old me wasn’t very joyful: dreadful job searching process back to square one after losing the seemingly secured offer; lost my student pass for the first time in eight years during 3 days in Redang, which can’t even be counted as a trip; bit on my own lips twice in a day on the same spot; and still have no idea where to stay later this month…

     

    I decided the lost of my student pass and SLB offer should be a sign, a sign to be more serious and responsible for the life of my own and the life of someone I concern about. Maybe I have lost some degree of freedom, as I am no longer a lonely free bird, I am tied down by something called love, that I decided I shall postpone my Vietnam trip one more time, and probably Tibet as well until I have settled where I will be in the next phase of my life.  

     

    Turning to 25, it also puts an end to the last phase of my life, and puts me into a painful transitional period into the next phase. Turning to 25, with one more ring of age on the tree trunk, I shall grow with more maturity and responsibility into a working adult, with more care and love given to people around me.  

     

    Farewell, the 24-years-old me.

    Farewell, my precious student life.

    Farewell, my care free days.

     

    There is no reason to celebrate, but lots of reason to remember my 25th birthday.

    April 24

    The best is yet to come...

    I thought, it would be the time to celebrate an ending and a beginning; I thought, it would be a stop to the enduring and soul-taking journey of searching; i thought, it would be a start on planning my next phase of life; i thought, i could go for my graduation trips without worries; I thought, it would be a proof to myself that I am not worth nothing; i thought, I could finally announce to my family and friends that I have gotten an offer from SLB.
     
    But all these were a huge colorful bubble, which burst right in front of my eyes and vanished shadowlessly into the air, wet me inside out with a bucket of icy-water standing in the biting wind.  
     
    That is how I felt, when I know I am rejected by both production centres of Schlumberger after final round of interviews on each side. Disappointed, devastated, and ashamed by the unforgivable failure I have made one tiny step before the final success. It appeared to me a rejection from more than a company, the whole business world maybe, as the curse of interviews casted on me yet again. My record of not passing through an interview is still kept unbroken.
     
    I was not the best one, but I could see where I stand during the two recruiting sessions. I appreciate Schlumberger for providing me such an opportunity to see and to learn how other candidates perform, and also for giving me more confidence as I was told by many that I did well. Politeness--maybe, politically correctness--maybe, but I could see a fair reason for such comments as i had a better view of who is more employable through an eye of the hiring manager. I could see the strength and weaknesses of each candidates, myself included, and the company's decision uncoincidentally coincide with my judgement largely.   
     
    The first impression I give out to the employers may not be outstanding at all, but I still believe I am a fairly employable person. Maybe because of my undesirable/unprofessional/unqualified/unbearable/untrustable look, I have never been able to get an offer for anything through an interview since I came to Singapore eight years ago. But this time round, after being observed like a guinea pig for two days and survived on, I thought I finally had a chance to show off more than what I can during a mere 30-minutes interview, and that might win me more credits for winning the final race.
     
    However, this rejection leads to some serious self questioning and doubt. What is wrong with my interviews? Did I say or do anything fundamentally wrong during the interviews? What is the thing that makes me unworthy judged by all interviewers? What is it i lack as compared to other successful candidates? What is my problem that screwed up every interview I have had?...Nervous?---No way, a big socializer, talking to people is what I enjoy most and what I do best. Over-confident?---Unlikely, as I still consider myself a humble person and there is seriously nothing for me to be too confident about. Boastful?---impossible, I normally will try to pick the most appropriate words and tell nothing but the truth....
     
    Now the rejection is confirmed, but my questions are still unanswered. I plead to all my friends who have endured my long blabbering till this far to leave me with some fair and truthful comments, honestly tell me what characteristics of mine are deemed to be unfavorable by the potential employers. Millions of thanks and I will greatly apreciate your sincerity and objectivity.
     
    Life has to go on, and searching has to continue. Being an optimist, I can never let go my hopes, as they are the reasons for my life that I have to live on. "God doesn't give you what you want because He wants to give you better", I hope this is true, and I hope the best is yet to come.